I’m not trans, but your question reminded me of something my ex told me about her family supportiveness that I wanted to share. To use your numbering scale, her family were probably 2/3, but they thought themselves to be 1. She said that even though she knew she was pretty fortunate, and that coming out hadn’t been as bad as she feared, she sometimes wondered whether it would be easier if her family were less supportive, but also were authentic in how much they supported.

The thing that really stuck with me was that she felt like she didn’t know where she stood with her family, because instead of it being a team effort where everyone is working to understand something big and still fairly new, she often had to bite her tongue when she had issues with what they said or did, having to measure her words carefully because they were liable to feeling hurt at any criticism of their behaviour.

What I mean by working as a team is that she was fairly early on in her transition and was navigating what gender dysphoria, and euphoria meant for her. If they were truly level 1 supportive, as they believed themselves to be, she’d be able to say “hey, that comment made me feel bad” without it being a While Thing, and maybe they could’ve had a productive discussion that would’ve led to an increased understanding for all.

Another side of this is that we speculated that they adjusted to consistently using the right pronouns way slower than if they just sat with their discomfort when they got it wrong and were corrected, rather than making excuses. My ex said that she never expected them to be 100% understanding and supportive right off the bat, but that she hoped they would grow into that — unfortunately, as long as they perceived themselves to be maximally supportive, there was no room for improvement.

The rough shape of this is an all too familiar pattern: people being more concerned with being considered transphobic than actually acting in ways that are harmful to trans people. It’s sad because regrettably, I used to be like that and so in them, I see alternate versions of myself — I was a queer person who very much considered myself a trans ally, without much understanding of what that actually meant because I didn’t know any trans people, often scared of saying the wrong thing, but in a self-centred way. I only grew beyond that because let myself be humbled and I chose to put in the internal work to be better, and my world is all the better for it; Intersectional solidarity is literally the main thing keeping me afloat nowadays, hope-wise.

We don’t talk much nowadays, but I hope her family have found the strength to challenge their internal biases and sit with their discomfort because this kind of improvement is uncomfortable and imo, the biggest “Level 1” thing is not treating it like a static level of supportiveness that is reached, like a max level i.e. understanding that what support is needed will change as life itself changes, and beyond the basics of “how not to be an asshole”, there is no guidebook on how to be supportive