I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn’t welcome in this community anymore…oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.
I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.
And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!
Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I’m not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like “you’re getting a free vacation” and “how many opportunities like this are you going to get” and “we tried our best to accommodate you.”
My wife also didn’t want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it’s free, let’s give it a fair shake.
Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I’m writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we’ll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.
My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they’re also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they’re already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying “We’re at Senor Frogs.” I did not get “We’re going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?”
I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn’t ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother’s kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn’t feel left out. I wouldn’t have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn’t want. I wouldn’t feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.
I’m just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn’t rock because it’s on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I’m wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won’t feel ashamed of being different. I didn’t ask to be this way.
Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I’m done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We’re over the hill. We’ll be home soon, and I will never do this again.
Honestly, suck it up. It’s a four day cruise, and you’re going to strike the victim pose and mope around?
You accepted this gift, so chin up, make the best of it. If all you can focus on is the negative, then that’s all it’ll be for you.
Honestly, spoken like someone who’s never dealt with an anxiety disorder. OP said outright they’re just venting, so your insensitivity had no place here from the outset. How about silently taking their perspective on board instead of missing the point and being exactly the kind of problem old mate there is venting about?
I identify very strongly with what OP is saying. He didn’t want the cruise because he knows himself and his wife, and he knew what it would be like; he got pressured into it by his family, and then when it turned out he was exactly right and it was awful he feels guilty for capitulating to the pressure. It’s not fair. Dude knew what he wanted, said what he wanted, got run over roughshod, and now has to deal with the guilt of disappointing his family on top of being stressed as fuck by the situation they’re in. Telling them to “just suck it up” is unhelpful in the extreme.
I mean I sympathize with OP but at the end of the day he chose to go to the cruise. Next time he’ll have the willpower to say no. But at the current moment it sounds like he’s being an angsty teenager. You’re already there, why not make the most of it?
Not everything in life needs to be sugarcoated. The comment you replied to simply addressed the reality of his current situation. It wasn’t advice for the rest of his life. I think you’re projecting a bit here.
I took their perspective, and I stand by my comment.
Looking at everything after a decision you regret through the lens of that regret is making a bad situation worse. So, if you want to compound problems by adding a second mistake to a first, you do you, but spare me your dimestore analysis.