Nice, a positive news story. Go Diesel, go!

“Ok, fair enough, Omprakash, have you picked a date yet?”

Call yourself a serious fucking news source, uk.news.yahoo.com? Tell us what actually fucking matters here: Heinz or HP?

In today’s money? About 17p, or 21 US cents. Shocking, really. I’ve got a club because at that price, why wouldn’t you?

“If you want to respect the rule of law, you’ve got to start from the original lawgiver, which was Moses”

Bollocks, more like.

The earliest known laws are from The Code of Ur-Nammu from Mesopotamia written on tablets around  2100–2050 BCE. If Moses existed, he was probably chiselling away at his tables six or seven hundred years later.

So I demand that these laws replace the 10 Commandments in schools. Who could forget such classics as:

• If a prospective son-in-law enters the house of his prospective father-in-law, but his father-in-law later gives his daughter to another man, the father-in-law shall return to the rejected son-in-law twofold the amount of bridal presents he had brought.
• If a man’s slave-woman, comparing herself to her mistress, speaks insolently to her, her mouth shall be scoured with 1 quart of salt.
• If a man, in the course of a scuffle, smashed the limb of another man with a club, he shall pay one mina of silver.
• If a man stealthily cultivates the field of another man and he raises a complaint, this is however to be rejected, and this man will lose his expenses.

Whereas they ignored everything East of France over here.

Actually, I went to school in Scotland so our teachers also tried to ignore everything south of the border too.

Found the AI.

Or a piece an’ Macaroni Pie. Carb in Carb in Carb. I’m sure you could get the pie battered too in the right chip shop.

Unfortunately it is not going.

He needs to have an expert check the moovement.

Yeah, that was me. It wasn’t a completely serious entry (generally opposed to AI ‘art’ but I didn’t own the rights to any real images of sewage dumping).

Thoughts and prayers.

Title of my sex tape.

Voice controlled lifts?

t’s unclear who is behind the placement of the monoliths. A New Mexico artist collective claimed responsibility years ago.

Right.

Well then.

I’ve always been irresistible to the ‘ladies’.

In the company of my family, I can only find some small comfort in the evident fact that I protect them by being so fucking delicious that the little flying bastards are gagging for a piece of me and so ignore them. And no, I am not prepared to be a ritual sacrifice for you and yours as well. Fuck, I hate the midges.

To add: this is what I had for lunch today: Jacob’s cream crackers, Nairn’s oatcakes, Double Gloucester and Lancashire Blacksticks Blue - served with celery, pickled shallots, and a nice red apple.

Disappointed with the headline writers for including ‘Man named…’

Don’t they know how to clickbait?

Yup. Carrs or Jacob’s or oatcakes with any decent cheese is a good snack.

There’s a sort of jokey tradition in UK pubs that when the bar is busy and you go up to order your drinks you should always shout “I was here first, you wanker!” at the barman / barmaid as they serve each person before you. It’s just one of those funny traditions that kills every time.