Girlfriend and I were sitting around with dad and his wife and mentioned that old 80s music. In 1992. Yeah. He gave me that look and his wife was absolutely cackling with glee.

I’m an ordained minister in the Church of the FSM. (Wanted the cool “degree” and to be called Pastor Shalafi.) It’s not a religion, it was created and exists to highlight the absurdity of religion.

Yeah, we have more than our fair share of goonies because we’ve tolerated about anything since our founding. Keep in mind, there are nearly 340,000,000 of us and you only hear about the weirdos. It’s like the Florida Man meme. Yeah, we’re the third most populous state, you’re going to find weird goings on among 24,000,000 people. (And our Sunshine Laws make it easier for reporters to report crimes and such.)

All too easy. Grab a scissor life and start knocking the sprinkler heads off. IYKYK.

That’s not how money works.

Explained something like this to a friend back in the day. He said the government could easily give us each $1M. And he was right!

Me: “You know I have a small lawn service, right? Charge $20 per lawn? What would you have to pay me if I had a million in the bank? I probably wouldn’t consider anything less than $10,000 for a job.”

Mike: “Yeah, but you could still eat at McDonalds for $5.”

Me: “Who would work there?!”

Yes, we need to start extracting the wealth back downwards, but we can’t just flood the streets with dollars.

Could Randy be a more perfect name for this little fucker?!

Nope. The sun moves around, sunup to sundown, and changes over the seasons. There is one small spot by my house the sun never hits.

As I said, I’ve planted it in my own forest, light is killing it. And if you don’t want it around? A light tug will completely uproot it.

Throw in an ad blocker like a Pi-hole. Life changing. FFS, $10 a month on AWS and you can spin a Lightsail instance, or roll your own on a toaster.

Perhaps you’re a bogon emitter like my wife?

Learn more here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_bogodynamics

Charles Stross put it succinctly in The Atrocity Archives:

Idiots emit bogons, causing machinery to malfunction in their presence. System administrators absorb bogons, letting machinery work again.

This explains why computers suddenly start to work when help arrives. Becoming a bogon sink takes much suffering and practice. You’re already on the path.

Pelicans are super common, nobody cares around here. But damn, they’re like pterodactyls!

If you go to the downtown bay where guys fish, you can literally trip over them hanging out looking for dropped bait, like a medium-sized dog, sitting there in punting distance, no fear, giving you the side-eye: “I can swallow you. Whole.”

tl;dr: Having a real personality will get you laid more than money or muscles. Worked for me. Best yet, if you’re real, you get invited back, get to be a repeat offender. 😈 Advice from dad, “Son, if you want that pussy again, get in there and eat it right the first time.” Do that thing.

Helps if you’re not trying to use a woman as a sex toy, treat them for what they are, another human you want to enjoy sex with. Also, solid grooming goes a long way, easy and free, or near enough. Trim your nails, style your hair, take a shower, brush and floss, dress yourself and lay off the pork rinds you fat fucks.

SOURCE: Short, old, scrawny fucker with a 50+ body count. Here’s me soaking wet in thrift store clothes and gear. You can do this. (Never went for count, gross stat, wanted solid relationships, just worked that way over the decades.)

Aight. That’s as boring as replacing smoke alarm batteries.

Water, inside and out. Dune (the book) had a great quote about the best place for water is inside you.

Humans evolved to deal with heat, and yes, later cold, but our roots are in Africa. So many ways to cool with water, you find strategies that work. Misting is a great example. Low power and water use, works outdoors, they use it in the NFL.

I use gaiters year round, dry for cold, wet for heat. They can make a dramatic difference. Wrap an ice cube in one, put it at the base of your neck, fool your brain stem into thinking you’re cooler.

Staying small is huge (heh). The square cube law is a thing. If you took my skinny hide and spread it out on top of a tall fat man, it would be fairly close. But our volume would be drastically different.

NW Florida here. Lived in Chicago for two years. I’ll take the heat thank you very much. I won’t die if left outside.

Mom raised abandoned mountain lion cubs. Let’s just say I now have no illusions as to my skill fighting an angry possum.

tl;dr: A 90lb. cat with eat your fucking lunch. Even without claws.

Same! My wife speaks better English than she hears. And like you, I’m hooked on CC.

Simple strategy. You lose the low value customers, retain the spenders. Less cost for infrastructure, employees, all that.

They’re likely cutting it too close with the cost, but what do I know, I don’t pay for jack.

I’m thinking the noise is hella easy to get posts buried in, especially around here. But still, security through obscurity is not security.

And they won’t find you through your posts, they’ll crucify you for them once you’re caught for something else.

Mad jealous! I never see raptors close enough for a pic.

Been a few months since I saw an osprey. 100’ away and still spooked him trying to get a look through my rifle scope.

Barred owls everywhere, never seen one.

Got up close on a pelican from our canoe! Not terribly exciting.

You’re right, I was suffering tunnel vision (heh), thinking of shooting from the house. You could make that safe by placing the range, uh, downrange. Throw a fat berm in there, good to go.

That simple?! FINALLY makes sense, and I’ve been wondering for years and years.