Have a good week, everyone!

Last week was warm and this week is following the trend too. I was feeling anxious about it so I dug into the pile of wood chips that was housing a bunch of 5 gallon buckets which were in turn housing a bunch of seeds that we were stratifying over the winter. Germination had started, but just barely.

The good news is that I caught them before the buckets became a mass of super delicate roots I’d have to tease apart. Last time I missed that window I killed 80% of the seedlings I tried to relocate, but I transferred maybe a hundred Spicebush (Lindera benzoin) seeds into one of our air prune boxes, alongside a few dozen Seaberry (Hippophae rhamnoides) that went into their own box (I’m not allowed to sell them but oh well). And scratch tests on cuttings from last fall are promising!

The bad news is that I’m not sure if my Pawpaws (Asimina triloba) are okay, and I had really hoped I’d have a better idea about where they’re at. I’ve had issues in the past keeping them wet enough and I may have overcorrected; hopefully some will germinate and grow but I’m a little sad about having to possibly go another season before I’ll get another chance.

Frustrating on some (A lot of) aspects but better this week than before. Hanging in there which seems to be my motto as of late. Lots of things I want to do, plenty of things I need to do but nothing I really feel like doing. Meh. Is this weeks’ word.

Well, I’m not on Beehaw, but my roommate pulled a hit & run while (I suspect) high on ketamine last week then tried to get me help them hide the vehicle in the garage. Luckily no one was hurt and the people caught up to them and they didn’t get away with it.

This is not the first time ketamine has been a problem with them. Now they’re refusing to even admit it was a hit & run and I’ve had to give them an ultimatum to either go to rehab or gtfo.

I’m happy to announce I lasted about three weeks without antidepressants before running back for them! (I am not having a good time.)

saw two movies in the past week: american fiction and dune: part two. the latter was really, really good. i liked american fiction, too. good combination of funny, sad, and heartfelt.

we moved into our current house last march, and we’re still moving stuff out of the old house. i think we’re on the home stretch at least (yay, puns)… my stuff has been out of there for awhile, but my partner lived there for ten years, so he accumulated a lot over the years.

echo had her trainer evaluation on sunday and performed wonderfully. basically all she had to do was walk around and not show signs of fear or reactivity to a new, mostly empty room. she accepted petting from the evaluator and was generally very chill. she also did great the two times i took her to the neighborhood restaurant patio, so it looks like i may have another brewery dog in the works! she starts her canine good citizen class in a couple of weeks.

i’m working at my polling place tomorrow for the primary election. i’m pretty disillusioned with the system in general, but i think it’s a good thing to do for the community (plus, the money i make can go toward more dog activities!). it’s gonna be a loooong day, and we have new, idiotic voter ID laws that should really be thrown in the trash.

I’m officially done with 2024, had to get my dog/best friend of 15 year put down in the first week of January this year because she had a seizure and couldn’t stand or keep her eyes still so she was falling over all night, now my cat is at the vet and I’m not sure if he will make it and I have to get my other dog put down because he’s the little cunt that did it to him, sorry but that’s the only apt description of how I feel about him now.

So now I’m in this weird feeling, knowing this dog who 99.9% of the time was a great good little cute as fuck boy, he just had to fucking do this so now he’s going and I’m beyond angry at him, but I want to hug him and tell him how much I’ll miss him, I’m just broken atm.

So yeah, sorry to be a downer but I have literally no one to talk to about it, so you fine group of people will suffice.

Update: Cats all good, he got lucky with only minor scratches and a bit sore, so that’s something good, but yeah can’t trust the dog anymore…

I’m going to tentatively poke my head back in here after being gone for a while.

I play two gacha games and have managed to set down the one I’ve played the longest in favor of the one I enjoy more, so I’ll count that as a win. I’ve started getting back into a hobby I started last year, but I got really overwhelmed and burned out. so now I’m back, hopefully, trying to take that slow.

I started writing fanfiction again recently after almost two decades out of spite because I didn’t like where the game’s writing went. and I think lastly I’m just grateful my dogs are healthy, one had a bacterial infection that just cleared up last week.

I hope everyone else’s week is going well so far!

I don’t know if anyone will see this, or how much sense it’ll make. I’m so stressed and upset and everything, it’s hard to think straight.

My beautiful kitty Ziggy, who I love more than anything, the only thing that’s been keeping me alive, my fucking baby…is just full of tumors that are likely cancer. They’re growing so fucking fast. I don’t know how long she has and I can’t tell if she’s in pain, but I can’t fathom how she wouldn’t be with hiw distended her abdomen is from the tumors. I don’t even know if there would be any options if I could afford it because all I could afford (had to beg, borrow, and steal to get the money) was a minor needs clinic at the next city’s SPCA.

I don’t know how I’m going to afford euthanization. (I’m disabled and unable to work and am dependent on my disabled mom.) The time could come at any moment from now to a month from now, but with how bad it is, it’s likely to be soon.

It’s all complicated by the fact that she’s in heat because my mom has refused to get her spayed because it’s ‘not natural.’ So she’s suffering with the unbelievable amount of tumors, being in heat, and her favorite person being gone (mom’s out of town) all while nearly eleven years old. My poor baby. I hope she at least makes until mom is gone for a while before it’s time. She deserves some time with her momma before she goes. Especially because this is the longest mom has ever left her her whole life and she gets so upset even when she just leaves for an hour, let alone weeks, and while she’s dealing with all of this…

I don’t really have anyone to talk to but even if I did I don’t know if I’d be able to because of my disabilities and health issues and stuff making it so hard for me to talk to people and find my words and gather my thoughts on the best day…with all of this going on (on top of a massive pain flare) I just can’t fucking think and I CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO!!! She doesn’t deserve to suffer!! I don’t want my fucking baby to suffer!! What the hell do I do and how!? I AM NOT OKAY I was already suicidal before all this. God dammit. My poor baby. I hate life. What do I do!? I wish somebody would just fix it all for me and pay for everything so she can at least get hospice care or palliative care or something, and then a gentle euthanasia at home or something. I don’t know. What do I fucking do!? My poor sweet baby. I may edit this to add the X-rays if I can bring myself to see them. They’re fucked up.

HELP

Hey folks! This is my first post in this community. :]

I thought I would use this thread as a simple intro post. Maybe some who have moved here from Tildes are active in both community recognise my name, I am indeed the same person. I’m interested in tech, history, books, video games and movies. Occasionally I make video essays which get like 20 views on Youtube. 🤣 But hey, I love making them so who cares.

My week is going pretty well, I’m on track to get my Masters degree, the final thing missing is the exam and that is gonna be around the start of April. I just need to deal with the beraucracy of the university and that is raising my stress levels.

Feeling great today, had my like seventh date with the chef girl (from this point I shall just call her by her name, Meghan), we went out to wagamamas and got some ramen, then to another place with some godly delicious mochi (pricey tho), now I am back home and have started to re-enter some hobbies I dropped during my worst times mentally, stuff like 3D Printing and VR, showing my hobbies (even ones I mostly dropped until now) to Meghan makes me excited for them all over again.

Seems like I am meeting twice a week with the chef girl on the regular now, we swap who comes over who’s city each visit. Things are going pretty well in that respect, our 7th date comes up on this Thursday where I will be going over her place again.

But my life is still a bit of a mess as I can’t get effective ADHD medication because my diagnosis was private (because the waiting list for a diagnosis on the NHS is 2+ years), so now I have to suffer through being unmedicated and buy what little methylphenidate I can afford off the black market to keep myself sane for the foreseeable future, makes me feel pretty fucking hopeless in that respect.

No one who makes the rules at my job has ever actually worked it, and it’s frustrating.

So I grocery shop for people. We have an app that shows us the current item on the list, and we have to scan it to move onto the next item. In theory it takes us through the store in a nice streamlined order.

But the system isn’t perfect and sometimes the order makes no sense. I like to look over the list and make sure I grab things I’ll need to scan later.

Sometimes customers block a product and won’t get out of your way. I like to see what’s next on the list and grab that instead of doing nothing while I wait for the customers to move.

Sometimes I realize that I don’t have meat or produce bags on my cart and have to grab some, so I check the list to see how many I’ll need.

They just announced they’re getting rid of the list.

Every time they change something, my numbers tank. I don’t know if I’m recovering from this one.

Confessed to a woman I liked. Didn’t get flat rejected. Still said no but with conditions so I’m gonna call it a victory.

A friend who knew her blabbed to her over messages about somebody having a crush but didn’t mention it was me. She responded that almost certainly it was gonna be a flat no. Then she hunted her down, found us, and upon realizing I was the only one said friend was hanging out with who wasn’t in a relationship and I was clearly super nervous, it became really obvious from there it was me.
I didn’t get a flat no, so that was good. Response I got was basically “I’m into somebody else, but if that doesn’t work out I don’t see why it couldn’t potentially happen if we became better friends.”
I’m very happy with that. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, I don’t get why people don’t like romantic rejection. It’s basically an infinite friend glitch.

Lots of job training.