Decades of wearing band t-shirts and not even once that happened to me (even at a concert). Men don’t ask that kind of questions to each other, which means it’s only used to antagonise women.
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It’s the adult version of hitting a girl in the shoulder at the playground and then running away.
The real irony is that if you change the question just a bit, it can be used for flirting:
Oh, you like that band? Cool, which songs do you like? You don’t know any? Girl, let me tell you, they’re awesome! What’s your name?
Honestly, it being a way for this type of man to condescend and control is more likely, IMO.
I don’t mean this as a damning counterpoint but I can think of at least one occasion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqK-i6KSY88
Men don’t ask women that either ops larping
Edit: large amounts of comments stand me corrected. the social circles i move in howrver habe never had this happen
I’ve had a similar exchange happen twice. The first, I was asked to name songs from the band’s earlier albums (i.e. songs that hadn’t been played at the gig). The other time, it wasn’t asked as a question, but like “I bet you couldn’t even name [arbitrary number] of their songs”.
It definitely happens, and besides those specific instances, I’ve had countless gatekeepy comments that allude to me only [wearing band t-shirt/having video game pins/patches on my bag/being at a gig] to pick up guys because obviously I’m a massively slutty succubus who only haa hobbies to help me find prey.
It’s such a weird accusation anyway because even if it were true, I’m not sure how wearing a gaming pin makes you more attractive but whatever, that would mean that it works in which case they shouldn’t care.
Oof, there is so many leaps of logic that you better stretch before reading.
According those men, women only have romance in their minds. So if they are showing interest in [male dominated subject] is because she wants to stand out by ”not being like the other girls". Even if it were true, surely it should be be the guys’responsibility to not hit on girls that shows them the slightest bit of attention, right? Of course not, guys can’t be held responsible over their own sexual urges! So its the evil woman’s fault for seducing the men by simply existing, and causeing them to fight amongst each other for her attention. She must be excluded for the sake of keeping the fandom healthy!
: /
It’s such a weird accusation anyway because even if it were true, I’m not sure how wearing a gaming pin makes you more attractive but whatever, that would mean that it works in which case they shouldn’t care.
Not to defend those kind of guys, but narcissistic women do exist and do stuff like that to get attention from communities that dont have a lot of women in it. And there are people that do the same so they can make money from cosplay modelling or Only Fans.
In a mind of an incel that’s the ONLY kind of women who go to this type of communities.
These kinds of comments tend to come from guys who say they wish that they could get a girlfriend with the same interests as them. Their poor self worth makes them hyper-fixate on acquiring a romantic or sexual relationship, and it’s easier to blame their lack of success here on there not being any women who share their interests than to recognise they’re being assholes (and that you don’t need perfect overlap in interests with a partner).
So a nerdy pin on my bag, often to them, it does make me more attractive, because there I am, the mythical species they’ve been hunting for, the nerdy, big tiddy goth gf that would solve all their problems. Except people like me are used to assholes like this and have little patience for them, which raises the question: if women who share their hobbies exist, and reject them, what does this say about their previous cope-lie that they told themselves?
But that’s a difficult question to face, so it’s easier to reduce me down to a sexual object and get angry at me for being an infiltrator. I must be, because otherwise why would women within their hobby be so averse to interacting with them?
Are they so incel they don’t want girls to pick them up? I don’t even understand their logic here.
Oh, I must have hallucinated all those times it happened to me, then! Thank fuck you were here to set me straight, my little woman brain must have just gotten all hysterical for no reason.
The comment you replied to didn’t target you in any way, why word it like that?
Wasn’t the implication that if OP was larping, then any woman making that claim was not to be taken seriously?
I think the implication was this doesn’t happen very often whether it be male or female. If it’s happened to you multiple times, that’s fair, I just don’t see it as an attack on females. I sure as shit don’t give a fuck what band tee anyone wears, a cool tee shirt is a cool tee shirt.
How are your tube grubs?
It absolutely is an attack on “fake fan” women and girls. The men who do this want to be able to act superior and smug. They want to prove that a woman couldn’t really like or understand “Specific Niche (or even not really) Thing That Has Mostly Male Fans” cause women don’t have Superior Logic like men do. Thus, any woman who claims to be a fan of Said Specific Niche Thing is lying to make men think she is “cool”, and oh boy, do they love to catch women in a lie.
As a lifelong nerd and musician, I have been challenged in this way more times than I can count, and it absofuckinglutely is because I look femme. They didn’t ask the guy friend right next to me what the entire backstory of Halo is, or whether he could name any character besides Master Chief and Cortana, even though we were both wearing Halo swag. They didn’t question why my husband was at a Coheed and Cambria concert, but felt the need to literally breathe down my neck while asking if I really knew the narrative order of the albums. And so on and so on and so on, from the age of 13 when I went to my first fucking rock concert and my first fucking anime con. Literally over 20 years of this shit now, and they Don’t. Do. It. To. Men. They just fucking don’t.
And in case you can’t tell, it gets really old and really annoying to be told over and over again that this doesn’t happen, that we’re making shit up, that “they’re just trying to be friendly, why can’t you just humor them?” If you got harassed about your hobbies day in and day out for over 20 years, you’d probably get pretty fucking sick of it, too.
I was in no was justifying it or condoning it. I was merely trying to reiterate OPs comment in a more understandable way. As someone who does get ridiculed constantly for my hobbies, yeah I understand, don’t worry. Once again I am only yearning for the days of civil conversation and not everything being offensive or a fight. No part of me ever downplays the severity of sexism against any gender, and I am actively in the fight against it.
Yes this washoew it was implied im sorry i dient make my statements clearer
F e m a l e s
They said males too so they’re not being sexist.
Unfortunately I’ve watched my guy friend do this to his gf and then followed it up by shutting her down when she didn’t answer immediately.
Terrible advice. If men like that really exist in the real world I wouldn’t suggest antagonising them. My advice to anyone is to learn how to say “I’m sorry I don’t speak -native language- “ in a non-native language. So much of my life has been improved and enriched by looking blankly at people and saying: “lo siento, pero no hablo inglés” and walking away…
until you run into the rare polyglot bigot
It’s ok, ignore them - you won’t understand what they’re shouting at you anyway as they follow you down the street as, remember, no hablas inglés.
i never heard about a polyglot bigot, maybe people lertitg other languages open their mind?, or i am biased?
“Uh, what I meant to say was, nihongoga wikari miwasuka?”
I think its great to have a range of options when confronted with a situation like that. If someone wants to antagonize someone for gatekeeping, all power to them and if they want to just get out of the situation with the least amount of trouble, then the same.
Being able to respond to situations in multiple ways instead of just one gives people real autonomy and can feel really empowering.
You’re not wrong, in general - but if the type of men mentioned in the post exist i.e. grown adults who are prepared to confront young women / girls specifically about their musical choices - I wouldn’t recommend antagonising them. An idiot is indeed an idiot but a male idiot with his feelings hurt by “a mere female” can become so much worse that I couldn’t, in all consciousness, recommend engaging with them in this very specific scenario.
“Nombre cinco de sus canciones.”
I just like seeing kids have a connection to my generation. When I pick up my kid from school I see Tupac and Biggie and Nirvana and Sublime shirts and it feels nice. Even if they don’t realize I’m literally playing one of their songs through my open window.
(Not a Pac or Biggie song, though. Not in car line at least.)
It’s why gatekeeping is so fucking stupid. What? You don’t want more people listening to your favorite music or watching your favorite show? You don’t want more people to relate to? Congratulations, mission accomplished!
I loved listening to punk/metal when I was younger but that was definitely a nasty habit I picked up. I don’t know how it is these days, but in the 90s and 2000s there was very much a tendency to call anybody who didn’t pass your arbitrary litmus test a “poser.” Pretty baked into the culture at the time. You had to tear down other people to assert how authentic you were.
I think the punk scene is one of the most welcoming communities to anyone these days who isn’t there to hate or be negative. It’s not just 3 piece bands anymore, there’s rap and hip hop, electronic, and a lot of small genres that aren’t widely accepted so they just join the punk scene. Also those of us who were new in 90s-2000s are now the old heads and don’t want to inflict that experience on the new kids.
Fuck yeah, breaking the cycle \m/
I agree, I’ve seen the culture change over the years and I’m really glad to see it, because it would be easy for people who have faced gatekeeping to “prove” their belonging to a group by gatekeeping others.
Yeah it was very frustrating to experience and I regret perpetuating the problem. Though in my defense it was mainly when I was a petulant teenager lol by my 20’s I cut that shit out
The punk scene at least in Seattle is very chill and welcoming. I see all kinds of people at the shows nobody gives anyone any shit. I’m usually in workout clothes for practical moshing reasons looking like a fucking suburban mom out for a jog. Nobody’s ever said anything to me about my decidedly not punk appearance. I’ve never heard anyone say poser as anything other than an in joke like calling a friend a poser
I actually brought my mom to a show last year there was maybe 20 people total counting the band members. She’s just a sweet old lady everyone thought it was great sharing music and culture with someone very clearly not part of the scene
I always remember when I went to underground rave and our bar tenders were this old couple. Everyone was digging it.
It could be a great segue into current music, too!
As a guy who was wearing Pink Floyd, Beatles, and Rush shirts in high school in the 90s I relate to these kids
One of the best things about being a middle aged old fuck is not only being able to give those five names plus a dozen others is that I’m no longer enough of an idiot to care if someone is wearing a band as fashion instead of fandom.
Mind you, when it’s a band I’m really into, I’m disappointed when it’s fashion only, but at least it’s a chance to have a good convo about a band. But the fact you don’t open up with the bullshit “name five songs” goes a long way. You can just start out not being a douche and mention the band, say they’re great/you like them too, and just be two humans doing the thing we do best: talk about nothing important.
Shit, I’ve made friendly acquaintances by exactly that kind of interaction. See a cool shirt or whatever, strike up a conversation, make it short and friendly without pushing at all, and people remember. The next time you see them, they smile, maybe throw horns \m/ if it’s a metal band and that’s part of how you brought it up, and now there’s two people smiling and waving at each other instead of just grimly looking down and ignoring the world.
Fuck, my favorite cashier at the grocery store was like that. Threw horns, dude looked confused, I explained that the band on his shirt was a metal (ish, depending on how you count Danzig lol) band. He didn’t know it was a band shirt, it’s just the skull logo with no text.
Now he knows me by name and waves me over to his line when he sees me so we can chat a bit while business happens. Turns out, he likes a couple of the songs on the cd I made for him, so now he is a fan of sorts. Cool fucking kid.
Which is a long winded way of saying to do the golden rule thing and don’t be a douche about music.
I always thought Danzig was pretty much baseline metal in the 90s. His other band was (is? I don’t keep up) a few subgenres of punk.
But truthfully I don’t try to keep up with how they draw genre lines. I like what I like, and Danzig makes music I like.
I have nothing useful to add to anything you’ve said and agree with your message.
That’s me too. Danzig is metal by nature, even if every album he ever made wasn’t, and I prefer not to gatekeep genres unless it’s absurd.
Rock on, my homie :)
Having lived through the 90s, I only remember his song Mother. Which got a ton of mtv play when it came out. That was definitely metal.
That’s a good tune. One of the first I learned when I figured out power chords on the guitar.
"maybe throw horns \m/ "
Man, I love devil horns, it’s a great non verbal communicator. I remember seeing someone wearing a t-shirt of one of my favourite bands at an semi fancy event once. I wasn’t able to go over and talk to them, so I excitedly waved, pointed at my own t-shirt (which was plain), and then threw devil horns. They understood what I was saying and in that moment, a friendship was formed, although unfortunately we never got the chance to actually talk.
I just love the fact that I was dressed quite unlike I usually do, so didn’t have many alt aspects of my appearance, but this one neat hand gesture was sufficient to establish rapport between me and someone cool.
It’s kinda crazy how something that simple can unite people. Metal is membership in a worldwide community, with that nigh universal symbol Apple able to bridge languages and culture in a way that very little else does.
It’s beautiful
I remember doing the horns at the graduation ceremony for my bachelor’s diploma. I look back in embarrassment but I just sort of didn’t know what else to do.
I think I know like 3 women to be fair
Point still stands 😂
Whats your five favorite Tom Cardy songs!?
Would it be so hard to not shame other people for liking a band but maybe not knowing their entire discography, regardless of your or their (perceived) gender?
I’m not sure I know 5 people I trust outside of family members.
Yeah, having sponsored women gamers in the gaming community, but am otherwise a recluse, I know three women who aren’t family. Though family also includes wife and stepdaughters.
I strive to be trustworthy, though it’s risky to leave fresh baked goods near me unattended for very long. (There have been incidents.) But even when I’m on good terms with wifey friends, I can’t say they trust me.
I only trust one person and no one on my family.
I’m not sure I know 5 people…
Well fuck. I can only name 3 non family women I trust. Then again I can only name one man that I trust and that’s including family. Guess I’m old and jaded.
I imagine this is pretty normal for most men older than college age.
Another fun one would be to put on a furrowed, thoughful brow and slowly count with your fingers, “Go…” " Fuck…" “Yourself…” And either shooing then with your hand or turn away without awaiting a response.
What coming-of-age movie did you excerpt that line from?
When the band is newly formed and has only released a 3 song EP thus far: 😫
I’m disappointed that this still exists, but sexism certainly still does so maybe I shouldn’t be. I just took a class today on high conflict personalities; now I’m not sure how great this response would be but yesterday I would have thought it was great. Maybe some questions just don’t need a response. I feel mixed.
A bit nonsequitur isn’t it? What’s the statement supposed to mean “you wouldn’t trust me even if I told you?”
It means the guy is a douchebag.
The advice guy or the rude questions guy? Because I just feel like saying nothing and making confused eyebrow prolonged eye contact would be a bigger own than saying something stupid in response.
That should be really easy to do for most men.
Yes, but most men wouldn’t ask that question.
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Yeah obviously since they are strangers, you could just name 5 random traditionally female names.
Sonia Relleno Nancy Spicoli Jennifer Constantine Laura Palmer Edith June
… Laura Palmer
Wait a second!
She’s dead! But what year is it?
She’s dead!
Wrapped in plastic!
A little bit of Erica by my side.
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I have a bad habit of quoting lyrics and expecting everyone to know what I’m talking about.
It’s a sea of blank faces.
Also having been trained in design, I think it’s appropriate to wear well-designed logos or shirts, even if the product advertised is shoddy.
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Name five women who trust you.
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